[vincen_darkstar]

The idea is about Kuja, Sephiroth and Kefka and a few more in hell, The story is ment to be funny if your wondering, if you dont like it, just tell me and ill stop, thats all you have to say..
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Chapter 1: Welcome to Hell
Kuja looked around, scratching his head in confusion.
"Is this hell?" he wondered out loud. A tall thin man appeared, wearing all red. He had horns and a scaly tail. The man was carrying a pitchfork in one hand, and a clip board in the other.
"May I help you, sir?"
"With that fashion sense, this must be hell," Kuja muttered. The demon sneered.
"I didn't ask for your opinion. Besides, it's company uniform." He tapped the pitchfork on the floor. "Now, may I help you, sir?"
"I don't know. I'm dead. What now?"
"Ah, so you're dead..." the demon looked at his clipboard. "Cause of death?"
"Um... either cursed by my creator or eaten by an angry tree."
"We're all cursed, so it must be the other," the demon snickered. He flipped through a few pages. "Let's see... angry tree... angry tree... what about 'soul tree'?"
"That might be it."
"Yes." He pointed to a long line. "That way, please."
Kuja stood in a line for a while. A long while. Long enough to 'think about what he had done', as a sign on the wall suggested. Eventually he reached the front of the line. Another demon stood there. This one was female looking, but the forked tongue sort of turned Kuja off of her.
"Allrighty," she said in an annoying nasal voice. "What are you in for?"
"Killing a few hundred thousand people, being a narcissist, kicking my creator off a cliff, trying to kill my little brother and his friends, and... blowing up a planet."
The demonesse didn't seem very impressed. "Ah, yes. That would make you Mr. Kuja, wouldn't it?"
"That it would."
She wrote his name on a nametag and slapped it roughly onto his chest. "You wear that for the next few millenia, please. You'll need to be going to the 'Final Fantasy villains and other forms of evil' room."
"The what?" he blinked, rubbing the sore spot from where she had slapped on the tag.
"I didn't stutta," she snapped. She pointed down a long corridor. "Room 1239B. Don't straggle. Enjoy your stay in Hell."
Kuja made his way down the hall until he reached the room.
"1239B," he said uncertainly, "this must be the place."
He reached for the door handle, but the door flung open instead. He nearly fainted at the form that grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him inside.
"Come on in, cutie!" the buxom blonde Alexandrian soldier slammed the door behind him as they entered. "Now, you just make yourself at home, 'cause yer gonna be here for a while!" She let go of him. "And watch out for the Gimme Cats, they're in heat."
Kuja blinked in confusion as the soldier wandered away.
Looking around the room, Kuja noticed with slight dismay that Garland and Queen Brahne were not present. He was disappointed, having hoped to annoy them for a few eons. There were, however, a lot of Alexandrian soldiers wandering around. He hadn't realized there were so many.
Kuja was about to take a step forward, when a tall man stepped in front of him. He wore a long black trenchcoat, had long flowing silver hair, and was carrying a big sword.
A really big sword, Kuja noticed as he yelped and stepped away quickly. The Alexandrian soldier on the man's arm giggled. The man gave Kuja a menacing look.
Suddenly, the man held the sword up in front of Kuja's face. "I have a sword!" He giggled.
Kuja swallowed nervously. "So I see." He looked at the man's nametag. It read "Sephiroth" in neat letters, with a happy face drawn below it in either blood or nailpolish.
The soldier giggled. "You'll have to excuse him. He isn't adjusting to being dead too well."
"A sword!" Sephiroth wiggled the blade in front of Kuja again for emphasis.
"Or the rum drinks."
"How did he get in with the sword?" Kuja wondered as Sephiroth looked around the room.
"Some guy came in with it stabbed in his back, so Sephy kinda reclaimed it," the soldier giggled again.
"I have a sword!" Sephiroth cried, dragging the the soldier off.
"Damn science experiments," a man dressed in black muttered. He was wearing a visitor's tag that read "Gannondorf". Kuja laughed nervously and quickly made his way past.
He worked his way through the room, doing his best to avoid various angry looking monsters that were lounging about. And various angry looking dead people. Kuja wanted to sit down, and looked for a table. Despite the fact that everyone in the room was condemned to eternal suffering in some fashion or another, no one seemed really that miserable. In fact, a party atmosphere surrounded the place.
Most of the good tables were taken, filled with various people. All looked somewhat evil, and somewhat intoxicated.
Kuja finally reached the back of the room. There was only one seat open. He hesitated as he looked at the other occupants of the table. The first was a strange looking woman, who sat staring blankly. The second was a Gimme Cat. The third was a man wearing a heavy red cloak. He had blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, and a long blue feather extending from his oranate hair clip.
Since the man was looking down, seemingly very focused on writing something, Kuja turned to the woman.
"Excuse me, miss..." He looked at her nametag. "Top Tower?"
"Don't bother talking to her," the Gimme Cat hissed. "She's just an ornament."
"An ornament?" Kuja blinked. The Gimme Cat's nametag read "Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow", all crammed onto the tag in very small letters.
"Yes," Meow x17 said evenly. "That's the guy you want to talk to about the chair." He pointed his tail at the man in red.
"Must I?" Kuja whispered. There was something about the man that made Kuja feel even more uneasy than the rest of the place did.
"If you want to sit, Meow," Meow x17 said. Kuja sighed.
"Excuse me, sir?" Kuja couldn't see his nametag. (Like I need to tell you who that is.)
The man tilted his head up slightly. Kuja's tail bristled from where it was hidden. The man was downright creepy looking. His skin was white, and the red lines painted around his eyes made him look like Meow x17 had gotten upset and tried to claw his eyes out. The man's eyes were icy blue, and Kuja cringed as he looked at him.
"What?" he spoke in a low, even voice, but Kuja sensed a bit of restraint there.
"Is, uh.... is this chair taken?" Kuja squeaked. The man tilted his head up a bit more. Kuja cringed as he noticed the smirk on the man's blood red lips.
"It depends," he said softly.
"On what?" Kuja swallowed.
"Are you insured?" the man said, his voice rising slightly in pitch.
"I'm dead," Kuja said dryly.
"Good enough." The man gestured at the chair. Kuja remained frozen in place, and after a moment the man stood. "I'm sorry, how rude of me." He moved around Kuja, resting a hand on the chair. "Where are my manners? I should always pull the chair out for a young lady."
Kuja flushed. "I'm not a woman!"
"Being flat chested is nothing to be ashamed of," the man said, his lips curling into a twisted grin. "Miss Kuja." Kuja's flush darkened as he felt the man's hand rest on his backside.
"I'm not a girl!" Kuja shrieked. His tail lashed out from underneath his skirt and swatted the man's hand away. The man backed away, his brows arching in surprise.
"Her voice is too deep to be a girl, Kefka," Meow x17 snickered.
Kefka pursed his lips, still eyeing Kuja. "We'll see."
Kuja sat heavily in the chair. Kefka returned to his own seat.
"How do you sit on your tail like that?"
"Practice," Kuja said, eyeing Kefka. The man looked more and more like a psychopathic clown every time Kuja looked him.
"Crossdresser?" Kefka said hopefully. Kuja flushed again.
"I was created looking like this," he snapped.
"Oooh, another freak," Kefka giggled. The sound make Kuja's skin crawl.
"What's your excuse?" Kuja said sourly, accepting a drink from the waitress that passed by their table.
"I'm insane," Kefka said with a sharp nod.
"He's a freak like you, meow," Meow x17 said.
"I'm not a freak!" Kefka shouted, pounding a gloved fist on the table.
"And I'm not a woman," Kuja said sarcastically. Kefka arched a brow.
"Uwee..."
"Don't get him started!" Meow x17 hissed. He ducked as Kefka pointed at him and shot a small bolt of electricity at him.
"I'll laugh if I want to, you stupid mangy feline!" Kefka said viciously. Kuja started to rise from his seat.
"Maybe I should go--"
"No!" Kefka's hand darted at him, grabbing Kuja's arm with surprising strength and pulling him back down into his chair. "You're not going anywhere!"
"But--"
"You're the first person to ever want to sit with us, and I'm not letting you go that easily!" Kefka snarled. Kuja winced. This man was frightening. Kind of like Garland before his morning coffee, but not as warm and cuddly.
"F-fine," Kuja said uneasily. "I'll stay."
"Good!" Kefka said brightly, the angry look quickly leaving his face. "Uwee hee hee hee!"
Kuja blinked at the laugh. Meow x17 sighed and shook his head.
Kefka looked keenly at Kuja. "Would you like to hear my story?"
"I... I guess so?"
"Excellent!" Kefka motioned to the waitress. "Waitress! Another drink for Miss Kuja!"
Kuja sighed as Kefka began to laugh again. It was going to be a long eternity.

[vincen_darkstar]

Nobody seems to be replying..so ill type chapter two up, i dont care if you say its double posting..its for entertainment only, Uwhee!
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Chapter 2: Kefka
"Why don't you drink?" Kuja asked curiously as the waitress brought another glass to their table.
"Because it makes me act weird," Kefka said.
"Right."
Kefka tapped a pen in his hand, eyeing Kuja. The violet-haired villain flushed again.
"Will you stop that!"
Kefka stopped the tapping, but kept his eyes on Kuja.
"I meant the leering!" Kuja crossed his arms.
"Oh, don't be such a prude, Kuja," Kefka smirked. "Mwee hee! You're the first girl who's come by lately who hasn't been armed."
"All those Alexandrian soldiers are a real drag," Meow x17 agreed.
"I'm not a girl!!!"
Kefka shrugged, giggling. "And I'm not a god anymore, but you don't see that slowing me down."
Kuja sighed. "This really is hell."
"No doubt!" Meow x17 said cheerfully. Kuja downed his new drink, grimacing. Kefka called for another.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're trying to loosen me up?"
"I never was subtle, uwee hee," Kefka grinned, tilting his head.
"If you're trying to get me out of my skirt, it's not going work," Kuja said sourly.
"Maybe, maybe not," Kefka said. "You don't have that much to get out of."
Kuja cleared his throat in annoyance. "I though you were going to tell me your story."
Kefka clapped his hands together with a giggle. "Yes, my story! Me me me!"
"Hello, ego," Meow x17 rolled his eyes.
"Oh, that's nothing," Kuja waved a hand dismissively before receiving a new drink. Kefka looked at him curiously. "But, your story first."
"Right, right," Kefka nodded repeatedly, more than eager to entertain what the ever-confused voices in his head were referring to as his new 'lady-friend'.
Kefka pressed his fingers together. "I was born, and then I grew up, and then I joined the Empire's army--"
"The end," Meow x17 said sharply. He ducked another attack from Kefka. The blonde turned back to Kuja, resting a hand on his knee. Kuja chose to ignore it since he was only touching his boot.
"I wonder where I can buy some pants in hell," Kuja muttered.
"You can have mine," Kefka grinned. "Uwee hee hee!"
Kuja flushed again. "Your story!"
"Yes, my story!" Kefka sat back up, his hand still on Kuja's knee.
Kuja considered getting a lock to put on his thong as Kefka began talking again.
"I was in the army, and they all loved me," Kefka said cheerfully. "They loved me so much, they decided that I was worthy of being a test subject for some new experiment."
"At least you weren't born an experiment," Kuja smirked, taking a sip of his drink. Kefka patted his knee.
"My story," he said pointedly. Kuja nodded. "The scientist guy gave me a bunch of magic powers. His name was Cid. He was nice, but then he started working with that girl Celes. Stupid traitorous bitch!" Kefka curled his free hand into a fist and shook it angrily.
"Khehehe..." Kuja tried to muffle his laughter. Kefka looked brightly at Kuja.
"But I got my revenge! I killed a bunch of Espers and took their powers--"
"What's an Esper?" Kuja wondered.
"Just a weird powerful magic beast thingie," Kefka said.
"Sounds like an Eidolon."
Kefka blinked. "What's an Eidolon?"
"A weird powerful magic beast thingie," Kuja smirked. Kefka grinned and nodded.
"Sounds about right!" He cleared his throat. "Anyhoo, I took the power from the Espers and became really strong. I killed a bunch of people, scared cute little animals, burned down towns, poisoned rivers. It was a lot of fun."
"Sounds like it."
"Eventually I got bored with that, and so I killed off the Emperor and made myself the Emperor."
"I should have thought of that," Kuja said to himself.
Kefka continued, giggling occasionally. "And then I knocked out the balance of the magic power in the world, and everything got messed up."
"Messed up?"
"Kinda destroyed everything," Kefka said, smiling. "I controlled everything after that, and since being Emperor wasn't quite good enough, I made myself a god."
"Impressive."
"I know," Kefka grinned. "Being a god was even more fun. I blew up towns and terrorized people. I even had a cult following!"
Kuja raised a brow. "Wow."
Kefka paused in his reverie, peering thoughtfully at Kuja. "You know, you have a really cute nose."
Kuja gritted his teeth. "Your story!!"
The other man giggled and cleared his throat. "Right, right, where was I..."
"Cult following," Meow x17 said. Kefka nodded.
"I had a cult following."
"You already said that," Kuja said.
"At least you're paying attention, uwee hee!" Kefka grinned, tapping his chin with the pen. "Let's see. I had a cult following, and then..."
"And then the Returners came to your tower and killed you," Meow x17 said.
"Shut up! I'm telling the story!"
"Then get on with it!" Meow x17 hissed.
"Don't make me use you as a coaster again!" Kefka snapped.
"I thought you said you didn't drink," Kuja said.
"He still makes a good coaster!" Kefka said, looking a bit more flustered than usual. Kuja looked at him dubiously, and was about to speak when the weird guy with silver hair stalked up to their table.
"Sephiroth, I paid you back your money!" Meow x17 said, trying to hide in his chair. Sephiroth looked at Meow x17 dismissively.
"You were the one with the rum drinks and the sword," Kuja said keenly. Sephiroth held up the sword and nodded.
"You're drunk again, Sephiroth?" Kefka sneered at the silver haired villain, who was eyeing Kuja.
"I was not!" Sephiroth snapped, flushing. "I just had a few drinks!"
"He was drunk," Kuja said. "Either that, or very bent on telling the whole room that he had a sword."
"I do have a sword!"
"We know!" several people at the tables around them shouted. Sephiroth looked around in annoyance.
"Shut up or I'll kill all of you!"
Kuja and Kefka snickered. Sephiroth turned back to the table, flushing again as he realized what he'd said.
"Well, I would if I could."
"What do you want, Sephiroth?" Kefka said, annoyed.
"I was just wondering who your new lady friend was," Sephiroth said, gesturing toward Kuja with his sword.
"I'm not his lady friend!!" Kuja screeched. Sephiroth blinked.
"Miss Kuja is a bit relunctant," Kefka said. Kuja growled, crossing his arms and looking away from the other two villains.
"Ooh, but she's cute when she growls," Sephiroth grinned.
"If you touch me I'll break your arm," Kuja said.
"You just need another drink," Kefka said.
"I don't need another drink! I've already had plenty!"
"Oh nonsense," Kefka laughed and waved for the waitress.
"I don't know, Kefka, if she thinks she's a guy, then maybe she has had too many drinks," Sephiroth said with a snicker. Kuja growled again.
The waitress brought Kuja another drink. He looked down at it, then back up at Kefka and Sephiroth. They stared at him expectantly. Kuja shrugged and sighed.
"What the hell..." Kuja downed the drink in a single gulp, supressing his urge to cough it back up. "#%@$!"
"You wanna?" Kefka grinned. "Uwee hee hee!"
"No!" Kuja swatted Kefka away.
"I get to get her a drink now!" Sephiroth said.
"No, I'm getting her drinks!" Kefka hissed, standing up.
"I'm getting her one!"
"I am!"
"Fight! Fight!" a voice chimed behind them.
"Shut up, Golbez!" Kefka shouted around Sephiroth.
While they continued to argue, the Gimme Cat motioned to the waitress.
"Do you want to hear my story?" Meow x17 asked. "It's not as pathetic as these science experiments'..."
Kuja sighed. "Sure..."

[Lord Kakamo]

hehe cool man keep it up.

[Sephiroth is god]

You need to finish the story it is funny


and sephiroth is cooler then what you make him seem to be

[vincen_darkstar]

Yes i know the fact of sephiroth being cooler, but it just adds..more fun to the story, if you dont like it, dont bother reading on..
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Chapter 3: Gimme a Diamond
"I'm taller, I should be able to get her a drink!"
"At least I had a full set of wings!"
"Shut up! Don't start bringing that up again!"
Kuja sighed, doing his best to ignore Kefka and Sephiroth. "Your story?"
Meow x17 hopped up onto the table, his nails digging into the already-grafitti-covered surface. "Yes! Mine is a noble tale..."
"Then what are you doing down here?"
"I'm a monster," Meow x17 sneered. "No matter how nice and cute I might try to be, I'm still screwed."
"True."
"Anyhow," Meow x17 paused as another drink was set in front of Kuja. "I lived on a little island in the Salvage Islands on Gaia. I had a lot of family there, and we all lived amongst the Grand Dragons that had kinda claimed the area as their own."
"Did you get eaten by one?" Kuja asked hopefully.
"No," Meow x17 glowered. "I wish I had been that lucky."
"What happened?"
"Well, for a long time nothing happened. Then one day this boat pulled up on the island, and four people jumped off." Meow x17 pointed at Kuja's tail. "One of them had a tail, like yours."
Kuja bristled. "Did they?"
"Just one," Meow x17 shook his head. "A blonde kid."
Kuja scowled and began to empty his current glass.
"He had some brunnette chick with him, and a rat chick, and this little guy with a pointy hat," Meow x17 said, watching Kuja's eyebrow twitch. "Something wrong?"
"N-not really," Kuja said, eyebrow still twitching once in a while. "The blonde kid was my...brother."
"Didn't like him?"
Kuja slammed the glass back on the table, forcing a crack up its side. "Who the hell do you think killed me?"
Meow x17 snickered. "Done in by your own brother? What luck."
"Well, he didn't really kill me," Kuja said, slumping back into his chair and sulking. "But he was partially responsible."
"Poor guy." Meow x17 lapped up some of the spilled liquor. "So these kids ran around my island, and the other surrounding islands. It was the oddest thing."
"How's that?"
"Well, they would attack the Grand Dragons, but run away from the Gimme Cats."
Kuja snickered. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
"No! We thought it was fine. Once one of the Grand Dragons tried to eat the little kid with the pointy hat. Woulda got away with it too, except the blonde kid freaked out and killed the dragon."
"He tranced," Kuja grumbled, wiping his fingers off on his skirt.
"Whatever you want to call it. For a long time, whenever the kids ran across a Cat, they usually ran away." Meow x17 sat back on his haunches, looking wistful. "But then, one day they ran across me."
"What did you do?"
"What all Gimme Cats do when approached!" Meow x17 said.
Kuja blinked cluelessly. "What's that?"
"I asked for a diamond," Meow x17 grinned. Kuja rolled his eyes. "Hey, you do your thing, we do ours!"
"Hey, look!" Kefka cried. Sephiroth had him in a headlock. "Kuja needs another drink!"
"I'm getting it!"
"No!"
Both villains called at the same time. "WAITRESS!!"
Kuja cringed. "So they didn't want to give you a diamond."
"Nope. They never do. But I thought I was safe. They'd always run away before." Meow x17 sighed heavily. "But that day! That day! They attacked me! I tried to fight back, but it was no good."
"Creamed you, eh?"
"The little pointy hat kid cast Flare on me!" Meow x17 hissed angrily. "I didn't stand a chance." The Cat flattened out on the table. "I was toast."
"Poor kitty," Kuja said sarcastically.
"Like your story is any better!" Meow x17 got back to his feet and hopped back down into his chair.
"I bet it is!" Kuja said.
There was a loud cracking noise behind them. Kuja turned in time to see Sephiroth hit the floor, unconscious.
"Kefka, what did you do?!"
"I knocked him out, obviously!" Kefka grinned. "Mwe heh!" He gave Sephiroth a kick before sitting back down.
"I won't ask how," Kuja sighed. The waitress arrived again, and set two drinks in front of Kuja. "Two now?"
"They both ordered you one," the waitress shrugged. She stepped over Sephiroth and departed.
"Drink mine first!" Kefka giggled.
"There's a difference?"
"Yes!" Kefka nodded vigorously. "Mine's better!"
Kuja looked at the identical drinks. "Then tell me, which is yours?"
"The better one!"
"How am I supposed to know which one is the better one if they're exactly the same?!"
Kefka narrowed his eyes. "They can't be the same because one is better!"
"Ooh, a lover's spat," Meow x17 snickered.
"Shut up!" Kuja shrieked. He snarled briefly at Kefka, then downed both drinks in quick succession.
Kefka looked at Kuja exceptantly.
"Well?"
Kuja looked between the two glasses for a moment. Eventually he nudged the left one toward Kefka.
"That one was yours."
Kefka giggled gleefully and drew the empty glass between his narrow fingers. Kuja looked at him suspiciously.
"What are you doing with that?"
"Nothing..." Kefka hid the glass behind his hands.
"You're a sicko," Kuja sighed.
"Uwee hee hee!"
Kuja sighed again. Meow x17 rolled his eyes.
Sephiroth groaned on the floor behind them.
"What the hell?" he attempted to get up, until Kefka smashed the empty glass against his forehead. Sephiroth slumped back down to the floor.
"What did you do that for?!" Kuja wondered in a shrill voice that was quickly becoming his normal questioning tone. A disgruntled looking woman in a maid's outfit came by. Her nametag read "Elena". She brushed the glass off of Sephiroth's forehead and into a little dustpan, then continued on her merry way.
"He's better off on the floor," Kefka sneered down at the motionless black and silver form. Kuja sighed, leaning on the table. His stomach growled.
"Are there snack machines in hell?" Kuja said idly as he felt a pang in his gut. Drinking all that alcohol on an empty stomach probably wasn't such a good idea. The last time he'd eaten was just a few hours before he had faced Zidane and his friends. That could have been days or years ago, he wasn't sure anymore.
"No..." Kefka was pouting, looking down at the table.
The more Kuja thought about it, the hungrier he felt. Even the damn statue sitting across from Kefka looked slightly appetizing.
"There is food in hell, isn't there?"
Kefka shook his head slowly.
"What, we're just supposed to drink until we get sick?!"
A nod.
Kuja sighed, propping his chin up on his hand again. "This sucks."
"It's hell," Meow x17 said pointedly. "If you're really hungry, you can try gnawing on the table. It works for me."
Kuja made a face, noticing that there was indeed a piece of the table on the Cat's side missing. "I'm not that hungry!"
"Yet."
Kuja grumbled to himself. Glancing at Kefka, he noticed that the man was still pouting down at the table. "What's your problem?"
"You snapped at me," Kefka said, his voice slightly whiny.
"You're lucky I don't snap you physically," Kuja growled.
"There you go doing it again!"
"Why do you care if I snap at you?!"
"I'm just trying to be nice to you, and you keep being mean!"
"I thought that was foreplay for you," Meow x17 snickered. He dodged the other glass as it was thrown at him.
"It may be, but not when the other person is being such a bitch!"
Kuja rose out of his seat, gripping the tabletop tightly. "A what?!"
"You heard me!!"
"I'm hoping I didn't!"
"I'm pretty sure you did, you bitch!" Kefka grinned triumphantly at Kuja. The other man flushed heavily.
"I-I-I-!"
"You-you-you whaaaat?" Kefka put his hands on his hips. Kuja opened his mouth to retort, but remained silent as his eyes opened wide. He sat down quickly, drawing his knees together.
"I need to go the bathroom!" Kuja hissed loudly.
The malevolent look left Kefka's face, and he giggled gleefully. "Oooh, I'll go with you!"
"No you won't!"
"Oh, yes I will!" Kefka said, grabbing Kuja by the arm and pull him from his chair. "I'm gonna find out what else is under your skirt other than that tail!"
Kuja's eyes bugged wide, and he tried to tug his arm free. "N-No!"
"Oh, come on!"
"No!" Kuja managed to break free from Kefka's grip. "I can manage just fine by myself!"
"But Kuja!" Kefka whined.
"No!"
"Fine." Kefka harumphed and sat down heavily. "I'll go with you next time."
Kuja sighed heavily. "I will avoid drinking for the rest of eternity to prevent that from happening."
"Bet you won't," Kefka grinned. Kuja palmed his forehead with another heavy sigh.
"Where is the bathroom, anyways?"
"Ours is over in that corner. You go down the hall that's behind that red door."
Kuja looked to where Kefka was pointing. "Right..."
Kefka and Meow x17 watched as Kuja started for the bathroom. "We'll hold your seat for you!"
"Like anyone is dumb enough to want it..."

[Squall_LeonHart]

Hey Nick Vincent Darkstar:Nick I no Him In Person His In My Year At School Arnt U Nick Its Me Ben I Signed Up Today Thanks For Teling Me This Great Site I Love Ur sTorie im goign to add my own soon i been makeing it its driveing me crazy

[vincen_darkstar]

What the heck you talking about, i dont go to school pinhead! im 20 for god sakes..anyway..Time for the next chapter anyway, and squall, no more trying to say i go to your school, as i said, i dont go to school! Kuja Fans beware! UWHEE!
______________________________________________
Chapter 4: Trouble Down Under
Kuja finally reached the red door that Kefka had indicated. The word "Bathroom" was stenciled in neat gold letters on the door. He hesistated, but his bladder insisted that he press on.
Opening the door Kuja saw a line that seemed to stretch on forever. "And I thought the line to get in here was long."
Kuja took his place in line, squirming occasionally. He really shouldn't have drunk so much.
Some of the people (and monsters) in the line looked like they had been in line for awhile. A Behemoth snapped at him as the line moved up slowly.
"There's just one stall, isn't there?" Kuja realized after a long while.
"Just the one," a creepy looking man said. His tag read "Hojo". Kuja looked at him nervously.
"Been here a while?"
"I'm just here for entertainment," Hojo said dryly, adjusting his glasses.
"Oh."
"But yes, I've been here for about..." he pushed up the sleeve of his lab coat. "Three or four hours."
"That's not too bad..."
"This is the end of the line," Hojo said with a sneer. "Last time I had to go I spent about two millenia in line."
"Two millenia?" Kuja swallowed. "But I really have to go!"
"Well, by the time you get to the front of the line, you'll really really have to go."
"Great."
Sephiroth sat in Kuja's seat, his feet propped up on the table. Kefka scowled at him.
"Get your feet off the table."
"Make me!"
"Don't think I won't!"
"Boys, boys! Will you two behave?" Meow x17 sighed. Sephiroth snorted and looked away. Kefka grumbled to himself.
"Who said you could sit in Kuja's seat anyways?"
"I don't see her name on it," Sephiroth sneered.
"You're sitting on the name!"
Sephiroth stood up. Indeed, the word "Kuja" had been carved into the chair several times.
"This is your handiwork!" Sephiroth snapped.
"So? Her name is still there!"
Sephiroth shrugged and sat back down. He rested his sword across his lap. "I'll get up when she comes back."
"Hopefully it'll be soon."
"Is that the door?"
"Yes," Hojo sighed.
"Cool! I can finally see the door!"
"Oy..."
"Ace?"
"Go fish."
"Any nines?"
"Meow, go fish."
"You just asked for a nine your last turn!"
"So?"
"You're cheating!"
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
Kuja sighed as the line slowly crept forward.
"I hope I'm not missing anything interesting."
"Kiwi."
"Lark."
"Mockingbird."
Kefka made a face. "Um..."
"Come on, Kefka!"
"I can't think of a bird that starts with 'n'!" Kefka shouted.
"Oh, try harder!" Meow x17 hissed.
"Umm... umm... oh! Ooooh! I know! I know!" Kefka wiggled gleefully in his seat.
"Then get on with it, you're holding up the game!" Sephiroth growled.
"Nightengale!"
"Owl."
"Penguin."
Finally, after an exceedingly long amount of time, Kuja made it to the bathroom.
"Not the cleanest facility in existence," Kuja muttered as he passed through the door. "But then, this is hell."
His tail twitched anxiously as he started for the toilet.
"Enough talking, tail, I've gotta go!"
"I'm bored," Meow x17 sighed.
"I miss Kuja," Kefka sighed, leaning on his elbows.
"Me too," Sephiroth sighed.
"I wonder if she's gotten to the bathroom yet," Kefka said. He was drawing in his little notebook. Most of the page was covered in little evil symbols, but the occasional heart, flower, or chocobo was visible around the corners.
"She's been gone an awful long time," Sephiroth said.
"Not that long," Meow x17 muttered as he gnawed on the edge of the table.
Sephiroth was about to respond when a long, shrill scream cut through the din of the Villain's hall. For a very brief, teeny-tiny fraction of a millisecond the room fell silent, before quickly snapping back to its previous noise level.
"That was odd," Meow x17 said.
"That sounded like Kuja!" Kefka said in a giddy tone. "Maybe she needs help!"
"Like you could really help her," Sephiroth scoffed.
"And you can?"
"I have a sword!"
"I'm going to shove that sword where the sun don't shine!" Kefka shouted, rising from his seat.
"Oh yeah?!"
"Yeah!!" Kefka pointed at Sephiroth, then turned away quickly. "After I get back from seeing what the screaming was about."
"Chicken!"
"I'll turn you into one if you don't can it!" Kefka growled as he stalked off toward the other side of the room.
They looked at Kefka's chair. Into the seat were carved the words. "KEFKA'S CHAIR. SIT HERE AND BE SAT UPON!!!"
"I don't think we have to worry about saving his seat," Meow x17 sighed. Sephiroth shrugged.
Kefka made his way through the line of people waiting to go to the bathroom.
"Someone find out what the hold-up is!" a pissy looking sorceress shouted.
"I'm on my way to find out what the problem is!" Kefka called as he hopped over the dozing form of a Yan. He was hoping to find Kuja in the line, but the violet-haired villain was not in sight.
And then he heard it. A low, persistent wail eminating from the bathroom.
"That sounds like Kuja!" Kefka giggled as he wove around a few more people and neared the door.
The bathroom door was closed, but the sound from within persisted as Kefka stood outside with an amused look on his face.
"Kuja dear, are you decent?" he called with a giggle. There was the sound of something moving behind the door.
"I'll never be decent again!" Kuja said in a pitious tone.
"Uwee hee hee, don't be silly, Kuja!" Kefka hopped in place a few times. "Now come out of there right now! Other people and monsters need to use the bathroom too!"
"I can't!"
"You get out of there right now or I'll come in there and drag you out by your tail!" Kefka paused, then grinned. "On second thought, stay in there!"
"Leave me alone!" Kuja wailed.
"Can't!" Kefka giggled and forced the door open a crack. He waited for a moment, hoping for some sort of retaliation from Kuja, but none came. Kefka hummed and nosed his way into the bathroom.
Kuja was sitting on the grimy floor, knees drawn up to his chest. He had his arms wrapped around his knees.
"Oh, Kuja, wassamatta?" Kefka giggled, hands clasped together.
"Leave me alone!" Kuja said in a whiny voice.
"Hurry up in there!" voices shouted from outside the door.
"Cram it!" Kefka shouted over his shoulder. He turned back and looked at Kuja with a sadistically sweet smile. "Now tell me what's wrong!"
Kuja shook his head.
Kefka scowled.
"Tell me or I'll rip your tail off!"
Kuja shuddered, then let out another annoying wail.
"I'm a girl!!"
Kefka blinked. "I thought we'd already cleared that up, Kuja!"
"No, I'm not supposed to be a girl!!" Kuja got to his-ur-her feet, tail twitching angrily. "I'm supposed to be a guy! A man! El señior Kuja! Kuja-kun! Not a girl!!"
Kefka blinked at Kuja again. "So what are you trying to say?"
Kuja's left eye twitched. "I was a guy. But now I'm a girl."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure!!"
"Maybe you hit your head on the sink?" Kefka suggested, wrapping an arm around Kuja's waist and leading her from the bathroom. A faint cheer came from the line.
"I didn't hit my head on the sink!" Kuja insisted as they exited the hall. "And get your hand off my butt!"
"Aw, but I saved you from being tortured by the people waiting in line!"
Kuja glowered. "You are torture enough for me, Kefka."
"Uwee! That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!"
Kuja sighed heavily. "Get your hand off my butt!"
Kefka grinned as they wove around tables. "Make me!"
Kuja curled her tail around Kefka's arm and tried to pull it away. "Kefka!"
"Yessss?"
They neared the table. "How many drinks did you have while I was gone?"
Kefka arched a brow. "Two."
"It really does make you weird," Kuja sighed.
"Hey, Miss Kuja, Freaky Clown Man, what took you so long?" Sephiroth wondered in greeting as they reached the table.
"Kuja was coming to terms with her femininity," Kefka said with a wink. Sephiroth snickered. Meow x17 rolled his eyes.
"Your hand is on Kuja's butt!" Sephiroth hissed, getting up from Kuja's seat. "...those must have been some terms!"
Kuja glowered, sitting heavily in the chair.
"This really is hell!"
____________________________________________
AND Ill say it again, dont go making wrong comments squall, or ill kill you..

This post has been edited by vincen_darkstar: 03 September 2003 - 11:01 PM

[Squall_LeonHart]

LOL WAt EVER U SAy Sry Dude And i no oneo f my friends at school have been makeing a story in fan land so sry my mistake ill ask them later nice storie

[vincen_darkstar]

As is said Squall, dont start saying i go to your school, i dont even KNOW you, pinhead..anyway..next chapter, i been working around the clock to put this up for you nice people, mainly LK tho, HI LK! i think its a bit bigger..i just wrote it..i never bothered to check the length ^^;
_________________________________________________
Chapter 5: Visitor's Pass
Sephiroth and Kefka sat and watched as Kuja said with his-er-her head resting on the table top. Kekfa had recently rented out Miss 'Top Tower' as a party decoration, and Sephiroth had taken up temporary residence in her seat.
"I don't wanna be a girl!" Kuja whined. Several day--er, it had been a little while since Kuja had made her little 'discovery' in the bathroom.
"I think she's taking it well," Sephiroth said. Kefka shrugged.
"She must've hit her head or something when she fell from grace."
"What'ya mean?" Meow x17 wondered.
"Well, how else do you explain the fact that she couldn't remember that she was a girl?!"
"I'm not--I don't wanna be a girl!"
"Well, I don't like my toes, but I can't change them, now can I?" Sephiroth said in a mildly sweet tone.
"You could cut them off," Kefka said.
"True..."
"Don't mention cutting anything off!" Kuja snapped, sitting up and brushing the hair from her eyes. "Or I'm not going to be the only one with this problem!"
Kefka blinked. "Uwee... PMS?"
Kuja growled, and was about to backhand Kefka when a demonesse stepped up behind her.
"Excuse me, Mr....uh... Miss... Kuja?"
"You could call her Mrs. Palazzo!" Kefka giggled wildly, until Kuja's fist connected and sent him to the floor. "Uwee, just a love tap!"
Kuja turned to face the demonesse. "Yes?"
She turned her gaze from the giggling man on the floor. "Yes...Kuja. You have a visitor."
"Me?" Kuja squeaked in surprise. The demonesse nodded and turned around.
"Just page me whenever you're ready to go," she said.
"Right," a voice behind her said. Kuja recognized it immediately and cringed. Meow x17 bristled.
"No! Not him!"
The demonesse departed, leaving behind a tall blonde man. He smiled brightly, his long creme-colored tail waving behind him.
"Kuja!"
"You!!" Kuja shouted angrily. Zidane blinked in surprise, then smiled again.
"Gee, I didn't expect such a warm greeting."
"Hide me!" Meow x17 squeaked as Kefka got back into his seat. Zidane looked at the occupants of the table curiously.
"Can....can I sit?"
Kefka looked at Zidane suspiciously. "Who's this?"
"My....brother...." Kuja said, crossing her arms. "What the hell are you doing here, Zidane?"
"Just visiting," Zidane smiled, pointing to the nametag on his chest. It said "VISITOR" in big blue letters, with a little happy face and halo below the word. His name was scrawled below the happy face.
Kefka moved to Meow x17's seat. The Gimme Cat sat on his shoulder, looking at Zidane warily. "Oh, the one who killed Kuja."
"But you're not dead, Zidane, how'd you get here?" Kuja watched Zidane sit in Kefka's chair.
"I've been dead a few millenia, Kuja," Zidane said.
"You were in the line for the bathroom a really long time," Kefka said. Kuja sighed.
"Don't remind me."
"Remind you of what?" Zidane wondered.
"Nothing!" Kuja snapped. "Now, why'd you come here and bug me?"
"I just wanted to see how you were doing in hell."
"Figures you'd get into heaven."
"I had to spend some time in purgatory first," Zidane said. "Because of my earlier...uh...womanizing days in life."
Kuja cringed. "That's right, you're a pervert."
"I've got a card that says they cured me of that!" Zidane blushed. "But....yeah."
Kuja took a nervous sip of a drink that Sephiroth ordered for her. "But...if you're dead, shouldn't you look older?"
"Only people who go to hell are stuck looking like the age they died at forever. When I got to heaven I got to choose what age I wanted to look like for eternity."
"And you chose what, 12?"
Zidane laughed. "21, actually. I wanted to be able to drink."
Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "They have alcohol in heaven?"
"Of course they do, silly, it's heaven."
He sighed. "That's right."
"Another drink for Miss Kuja," Kefka called to the waitress.
"Better make it two," Kuja sighed. Zidane blinked.
"He just called you 'Miss'..."
Kuja cleared her throat nervously. "Yes..."
"Kuja?"
She flushed. "I don't want to talk about it!"
"Oh, you got turned into a girl for being such a pervert in life too, eh?" Zidane grinned. Kuja's flush darkened.
"Garland's Genomes all had the same freakin' flaw," she snapped. "It's not my fault!"
Zidane shrugged. "You look the same."
Kuja crossed her legs defensively. "Believe me, there's a difference."
Her brother looked thoughtful for a moment. "Or it could be because of what happened when you died."
"What?!"
"I thought you said Zidane killed you," Meow x17 said.
"The tree killed him," Zidane said. "I--"
"--just helped." Kuja finished for him. "What do you mean, 'because of what happeneded when you died'?"
"Uh, right before you teleported me out, the tree's roots closed in around us, right?"
"Right..." Kuja accepted the drinks from the waitress.
"Well, uh..." Zidane giggled nervously, looking away. Kuja downed one of the drinks quickly.
"What? Tell me!"
"Well.... one of the roots went right through....there."
Kuja squeaked, her eyes going wide. "No!"
"You got a sex-change from a tree?" Sephiroth said doubtfully.
Kuja shook her head. "No! No! No!"
"I'm afraid so," Zidane said with a shrug.
Kefka scratched his ear thoughtfully. "You mean... before Kuja died... she was really a guy?"
"Uh huh," Zidane nodded. "My brother."
Kefka made a face, sticking his tongue out. "Eeeeeew!!"
"But how did you not notice the change, Kuja?" Zidane wondered.
"I didn't think it would be any different!" Kuja snapped, starting the second drink. "I didn't find out until I had to go the bathroom, and...and..."
"Mr. Happy was missing?"
"Mr. Happy had been replaced!" Kuja wailed.
Zidane looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. "Better you than me."
"Hey!" Kuja slammed the glass down. It cracked.
"You have to quit doing that, Kuja," Meow x17 said from Kefka's shoulder. "They'll make you work in the dishwasher if you keep breaking glasses."
"Don't care," Kuja pouted. "Better than being here."
"Oh, you're just saying that," Sephiroth snickered. Zidane looked between the other men at the table. And the Cat.
"So who are you guys supposed to be?" he wondered.
"We're villains!" Sephiroth said proudly.
"We got killed by the heroes," Kefka shrugged.
"Your friend barbecued me," Meow x17 snarled at Zidane, wings flapping indignantly. "Pointy hatted bastard!"
"Ow! Claws!" Kefka shrieked as the Gimme Cat dug his claws into Kefka's shoulder. "Bad kitty!"
"They're my admirers," Kuja said dryly.
"How charming," Zidane said, scooting the chair a bit further away from Kefka and Meow x17.
"We try," Kefka grinned. He waved down the waitress, again.
"I was wondering something, Zidane," Kuja said.
"What's that?"
"When you were in purgatory, or heaven, or just coming down in here, did you see Brahne or Garland anywhere?"
Zidane drummed his fingers on the table. "Brahne is still in purgatory, but it looks like she might get into heaven."
"What?!"
"She had a pure soul until you corrupted her, Kuja," Zidane said. "They're keeping that in mind when dealing with her."
Kuja pouted. "What about Garland?"
"Hell," Zidane said quickly. "But not in this room, obviously."
"But he should be here, based on what the demons said!"
"Yes, well..." Zidane wiggled his tail. Kuja's tail copied the motion from under her skirt. She sighed. "Um, Garland got sent to a special room for people who tried to play god."
"But I did that too," Kuja pointed out.
"And so did I!" Kefka giggled.
"I probably did too," Sephiroth added, patting the sword in his lap.
"Hell, half the people in this room probably pulled that stunt," Kuja said. "So why did Garland get weeded out?"
"Well, actually..." Zidane giggled. "He was a jerk."
"So were they," she pointed idly at Kefka and Sephiroth.
"Apparently, he was such a jerk that he attracted the attention of some high ranking demonesse," Zidane said. "She kinda called dibs on him when you killed him."
Kuja giggled. "Interesting. So what happened to him?"
"From what I heard, he's gonna spend the rest of eternity as her private play-toy," Zidane said with a light shrug.
"I hope she pulls his tail," she muttered.
Zidane blinked. "Garland had a tail?"
"Our Terran ancestors weren't creative enough to make him without one," Kuja took another drink from the waitress. Zidane watched as Kuja quickly downed the new drink.
"I didn't think of you as a drinker," Zidane said slowly. Kuja wheezed softly as she set the glass back down.
"I wasn't before," Kuja shrugged. "But hell has ways of changing you."
"Doesn't the drinking cause problems?"
"Only when I have to go to the bathroom," Kuja sighed. Zidane glanced down.
"Are you really a girl now?"
Kuja flushed. "Do you want to see?!"
"I do!" Kefka raised his hand eagerly. "Me! Me! Pick me!"
Zidane blushed. "I'd rather not, thank you. I'll just take your word on that."
"Good." Kuja glowered at Kefka, who had begun to drool. "Stop that!"
"Stop what?" Kefka gave her an innocent look as he wiped his chin off.
"Hentai for brains," Kuja muttered. Kefka and Sephiroth snickered.
Something at Zidane's hip beeped. With a slightly resigned sigh he pulled the beeper from his belt and looked at it. "Rats."
"Where?" Meow x17 looked around hopefully. "I'm starving!"
Zidane sweatdropped. "Uh... right." He put the beeper away. "I'd love to stay and chat, but Garnet needs me."
"Needs you for what?" Kuja wondered.
"You know all that weird kinky stuff you used to want to do to her?"
Kuja nodded feebly.
"Something like that."
Kuja let out a distressed shriek. "Damn, this is so unfair!"
Zidane paged the demonesse escort. "Maybe I'll come visit you again sometime." He glanecd at the others, and then around the room with a shudder. "Maybe."
"You can't leave me with these guys!" Kuja wailed, grabbing Zidane's arm.
"Hey, what's wrong with us guys?" Sephiroth pouted.
"They're gonna try to do horrible, nasty, dirty, kinky things to me!" Kuja continued.
"And to think you used to like that," Zidane sighed.
"Not when I'm on the receiving end!"
"It's karma, Kuja, it's all karma," Zidane said as the escort arrived. He managed to pull himself free from Kuja's grasp, only to have her clamp onto his tail.
"Zidane! Pleeeeease!"
"I can't take you with me!" Zidane swatted at his sister. "Now let go of my tail!"
"Heard that before," Kefka sighed.
"But it's so nice and soft," Kuja said, petting the end of the tail. Zidane sighed again.
"You have your own tail, Kuja, play with it!" Zidane flicked his tail free.
"Oooh, I do!" Kuja cried in distraction, curling her tail up and grabbing hold of it. "Soft...."
"See you later, Kuja," Zidane shook his head as he followed the escort.
"Bye bye, Zidane," she said softly, affectionately petting her tail.
"Can I pet your tail?" Kefka asked hopefully as he moved back to his own chair. Meow x17 hopped off of Kefka's shoulder.
"No!" Kuja clung to his tail protectively. "Mine!"
"Aw, c'mon, just for a little while!"
"No, my tail!" Kuja wailed.
"Then just for a minute!"
"No!"
"Pleeeeeeease?"
"N-no!"
"Waitress..." Sephiroth called with a sigh.

[Squall_LeonHart]

all shut the fuck up i do no u and im going to punch u in the face at school dick i no who u are i sore u log into this user name at my school so dont bull shit me and dont fuckign lie u fucking dick u are so gogin to gewt hit in the face if u lie all come to school to morrow u wasnt at school today on thursady was ya no when u do come im goign to hit u in the face dick

[Sasuke]

OOOOOOOOOOOH i liked it but it's just to much for reading

[vincen_darkstar]

For god sakes..Listen, this is for things to say on the story, nothing about who you think i am, Maybe you thought you saw someone log on as this name, whatever you say squall..anyway, i been working extra hard for the nice people who like the story, not like you squall..And im going to post up 2 chapters today, enjoy
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Chapter 6: The Great Mall of Hell
The bishounen turned bishoujo sighed. "Yes, I'm sure Brahne counts as the world's largest land mammal."
Kefka wiggled his pen thoughtfully over the crossword puzzle he was working on. "How do you spell that?"
"B-r-a--" Kuja stopped, blinking in surprise as Kefka disappeared in a flash. "Where'd he go!?"
"To work, probably," Sephiroth shrugged.
Kuja blinked again. "Work?"
"Yeah, Kefka works down in the Great Mall of Hell," Meow x17 said.
"I was totally unaware of that," Kuja sighed. "Why did he never leave before?"
"He only has to work when they call him in," Sephiroth said. "He went in once while you were in the bathroom line."
"I missed everything then," she grumbled. "So... what's in this Great Mall of Hell?"
"Mostly bars and clothing boutiques," Sephiroth shrugged.
"Where does Kefka work?"
"'House of Pained Style', or something like that," Meow x17 purred.
Kuja picked up the crossword puzzle off the floor. "I wasn't even aware that there was a mall in hell."
"You didn't think to ask, did you?" Sephiroth shrugged. Kuja frowned, looking down.
"There seems to be a lot of things I didn't think about."
Sephiroth studied Kuja's downcast expression and grinned. "We can go bug him at work if you want to."
Kuja blinked, glancing up. "We can leave?"
"Well, not permanently," Sephiroth said. "But why would they build a mall if no one was allowed out to go to it?"
"Hell works in mysterious ways," Kuja said in a sour tone.
"Oh, c'mon, it'll be fun!" He looked at her imploringly. Kuja drummed her fingers on the table for a moment, before giving a shrug of her armored shoulders.
"Fine," she sighed. Sephiroth stood up and used his sword to scratch his name into the chair he was sitting in.
"I'll watch the table, but you have to bring me something back," Meow x17 volunteered.
"Okee doke," Sephiroth grinned. He offered Kuja a hand.
"Shall we?"
She gave him a doubtful look, but took his hand. "What the heck."
After getting a temporary exit pass, Kuja and Sephiroth walked down the long hallway that led out into the main district of hell.
"So where is this Great Mall anyways?" Kuja wondered, looking around as Sephiroth steered her past the long line of people waiting to get into the underworld.
"Just a short walk down Wretched Souls Boulevard," Sephiroth said, pointing at a mass of buildings in the distance.
"Wonderful." Kuja's nose curled as they walked. "What's that smell?"
"Describe it."
"A mix of sulfur, blood, and burnt hair."
"Oh, that's just the general stink of hell," Sephiroth said with a light shrug. "You get used to it after a while."
"Do you come out here often?"
"I try to," Sephiroth sighed. "Our room gets boring fast."
"You didn't seem to find it boring when I first got there," Kuja said with a smirk. Sephiroth arched a brow.
"I don't remember," he said with a toss of his silver hair. He rested his sword on his shoulder, glancing at Kuja.
"You were hammered, if I remember correctly," she said. "Had one of those Alexandrian soldiers on your arm."
"Nonsense, I never get hammered!"
"She said that you didn't handle rum drinks well."
"....."
Kuja snickered.
"Well, if rum drinks were involved, then I probably was hammered."
"You were telling everyone that you had a sword."
Sephiroth grinned. "I like my sword."
She looked at him. "Do you drag that thing around everywhere?"
"It's kind of a security blanket," Sephiroth said with a faint blush. Kuja chuckled, violet tail swishing in amusement.
A massive demon sitting in the road growled at them as they passed by. Kuja flushed as Sephiroth wrapped a protective arm around her waist.
"I'm a big b--girl, Sephiroth, I don't need you to protect me," Kuja said after a moment. Sephiroth gave her a silly grin and shrugged.
"I was just trying to be a gentleman."
Kuja arched a brow. "You're just looking for an excuse to grope me."
Sephiroth's grin broadened. "That too." He removed his arm from around her waist. "I can't do anything when Kefka's around. He'd probably dismember me in some fashion or another."
She shook her head. "You two are terrible."
"Can you really blame us for fawning over such a pretty lady?" he was still grinning.
Kuja sighed heavily. "No comment."
After a moment of silence, Sephiroth pointed to a sprawling building that they were approaching. "That's the mall."
"Goody."
Sephiroth looked at Kuja thoughtfully as they neared the mall. "I'm sorry we thought you were a girl when you first got here."
"I was a girl when I first got here!"
He giggled. "Well, yeah, but you didn't know that."
She stuck her tongue out. "You're not exactly manly looking yourself."
"Yes, but I don't go around wearing a skirt!" Sephiroth giggled and patted Kuja on the butt. She flushed again.
"What is with you two and my ass?!"
"I think it's the skirt," Sephiroth grinned. "It makes you all the more appealing."
She glowered. "I'm going to have to buy pants while we're here."
"Ooh! You could get a mini-skirt!" he suggested eagerly. "I'd suggest a halter top too, but you don't really have anything to halter."
Kuja growled. "You're working towards a butt kicking, Sword-boy."
"Oh, would you really? That would make Kefka so jealous!" They reached the entrance of the Great Mall of Hell. Sephiroth pushed the door open, and they went inside.
"Have you always been this competitive with Kefka?" Kuja wondered as she looked around. The mall was fairly dark, but the darkness gave the place a strangely homey feeling.
"Naw, I usually avoid him like the plague," Sephiroth laughed.
"Then why are you always hanging around?"
"I have my reasons," he said mysteriously. They passed a few bars as they walked along the black and blue tiled floor of the mall. "Hey, do you want to get a drink before we go bug the clown?"
"Suuuure, why the hell not?" She tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. The silver-haired man didn't seem to pick up on it.
"I know a place that has great rum drinks!"
A while later, who knows how long really, Kuja and Sephiroth emerged from the third or fifth bar that they'd went into. Sephiroth hiccupped, leaning on his sword.
"I think I'm ready to face Kefka now," Sephiroth said, his voice heavily slurred. Kuja snickered.
"Well... where's he at anyways?"
"At....at....work!"
"Vunderba."
Sephiroth blinked a few times. "Huh?"
"I said 'Wonderful'," Kuja said, rolling her eyes. "You really need to learn how to hold your liquor."
"I only threw up once!" Sephiroth snapped. He hiccupped again, looking up and down the length of the mall. "Kefka's down thissaway."
"Lead the way, drunken guy with sword," Kuja giggled.
"Yeup."
It took a few tries, but they eventually found their way to the 'House of Pained Style'. Most of the stores had better lighting than the main corridor of the mall, and the House was no exception.
A few demons and other damned souls were milling about the store. They paid little attention as a tall man in an armored black trenchcoat staggered in, still carrying his sword. They equally ignored the shorter and clearly not as intoxicated woman with violet hair who followed a step or two behind the man.
"I have a sword!" Sephiroth announced to the store. "Do I get a discount?"
"Not like you actually pay for anything anyways," Kuja said. She looked around. "Where's Kefka?"
"Back at the register," Sephiroth pointed over a clothing rack. He followed Kuja as she made her way to the back of the store, trying not to knock too much stuff over along the way.
"Kefka?" Kuja called inquiringly as they reached the counter that Kefka was standing behind. He had his back turned to them, and was wearing headphones. Some sort of music, the kind that was best described as being 'really loud', was blaring through the headphones. "Kefka! Kefka!!"
"I don't think heeee can heeeear you," Sephiroth said, leaning on his sword again.
Kuja sighed in frustration. Leaning a bit over the counter, she grabbed Kefka by the ponytail and tugged down hard. He didn't seem to notice until the back of his head hit the countertop.
Kefka blinked a few times in surprise, then grinned widely. "Kuja-doll!" He pulled off the headphones, turning the volume down to a low shriek.
"So you have a joooob," Kuja said, still holding onto his ponytail.
"Uwee hee, yes I do!" Kefka giggled. "How'd you find me?"
Kuja released her grip on his hair and pointed at Sephiroth. He was humming, about to fall over despite the crutching sword. Kefka righted himself, scowling a bit at the bishounen.
"Did you have to bring him along?"
"He was the only one who knew the way," Kuja shrugged. "Besides, he's drunk. Can't do too much harm."
Kefka pursed his blood-red lips, fangs visible. "Are you drunk?"
"I'm fiiiine," Kuja insisted.
"What all did you two drink?"
"Oh, the usual," she leaned on the counter. "A few Bloody Moogles, some tequila, a few rum drinks, and some of those drinks with the little umbrellas."
"No wonder he's so hammered," Kefka smirked. "We should leave him here when I get off work."
"When's that?"
Kefka shrugged. "Eventually."
"Well, what am I supposed to do until 'eventually'?" Kuja whined. Kefka glanced around the store.
"You could....try on clothes?"
Kuja made a face of disgust. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
"N-nothing!" Kefka stammered. "You look fabulous!" He smiled at her appeasingly. She gave a little snort.
"Well... the under-layers of my armor are kind of annoying me," Kuja said, looking down. Kefka stared at her chest, tilting his head birdishly.
"Annoying how?"
"The metal is a bit chafing."
"Hmm..." Kefka narrowed his eyes, holding up his hands like he was framing a picture around her. "Might I suggest...a tank top?"
Kuja blinked. "A tank top?!"
"Just to replace the metal part that's...rubbing... against that wonderfully smooth skin of yours." He grinned. Kuja sweatdropped.
"Perv."
"Well, I'm just doing my job!" Kefka insisted.
"Is mentally molesting the customers part of your job description?" Kuja wondered doubtfully.
"Actually, it is."
"...."
"It is!"
"Sure."
Kefka pouted. "Not like I need an excuse to do it."
Her response was cut off by Sephiroth hitting the floor behind her. Kuja turned and bent over Sephiroth.
"Sephy? You okay?" She waved a hand over his face.
Kefka bristled. "Sephy?"
"She just trying to get back at you fer staring at her chessssst," Sephiroth managed. Kuja's tail wiggled as she stood back up.
"When did he get a pet name?" Kefka wondered, looking down at Sephiroth in annoyance.
"Somewhere between the third Bloody Moogle and the second umbrella drink," Kuja said, tail still wiggling mischieviously.
"I want a pet name too," Kefka pouted.
"I thought you were going to help me find a tank top," she said with a smirk.
"Pet name!" Kefka hopped in frustration. "No pet name, no service!"
"...."
Sephiroth hummed drunkenly from the floor. Kuja sighed.
"Fine... Keffy. Show me to the tank tops."
"Uwee! This way!" Kefka grabbed Kuja by the wrist and dragged her gleefully away from Sephiroth.
Kefka stood behind Kuja as she studied her reflection in a mirror. He was looking at her lower backside, but she ignored this.
"You know, my pet name rhymes with Sephiroth's," Kefka said.
"I'm not that creative," Kuja shrugged. She itched just below her collarbone. "Hmm..."
"Sephy and Keffy," Kefka said.
"I think it sounds cute," she smiled. Kefka smiled, still looking at her butt.
"How's the top fit?"
"You really must've been staring at me a lot to get my size right on the first try," Kuja said with a twisted smirk. "Considering I've never bought women's clothing before."
He glanced at her skirt, but didn't comment.
"I...uh.... It was a lucky guess," he fibbed.
"Suuuure it was," Kuja said, turning to face him. The inner layers of her armor had been replaced by a gold-trimmed white tank top that stopped a few inches above her belly button. "Well?"
He eyed her eagerly. "I like it!"
"You like any excuse to stare at my chest," Kuja sighed, turning back to the mirror. "Or lack thereof."
"I wanna seeeee!" Sephiroth cawed, having managed to get back to his feet.
"You can't see, you're not special enough!" Kefka shouted back as Sephiroth tried to regain his bearings.
"I am too special!" Sephiroth hiccupped. "I have a sword!"
"It's okay, Kefka, he'll see it eventually anyways." Kuja was snickering.
"Not if he falls on his sword and pokes his eyes out," Kefka said, rubbing his hands together with an evil glint in his eyes. Well, more evil than normal.
"Kefka!"
"Pet name!"
Kuja glowered at the blonde for a moment. Finally, she cleared her throat.
"Keffy, leave Sephiroth alone!" Kuja whined, pushing her voice up into a falsetto.
Sephiroth blinked a few times as he hobbled toward the dressing rooms. "Thaaaat was disturbing."
"It was," Kefka agreed, sweatdropping. Kuja cleared her throat again.
"So I still don't sound like a girl. I don't see you helping!"
"How are we supposed to help with that?" Kefka wondered, again fixing her with a lusty stare.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Humor me."
"Ooh, I can do that!" Kuja cringed as Kefka grinned broadly. "Uwee hee hee..."

[vincen_darkstar]

As i said, Two Chapters for the nice people!
______________________________________________
Chapter 7: Seeing Red
Sephiroth finally made it up to where Kefka and Kuja were standing.
"I wanna see," he restated his earlier demand.
"Nuh-uh!" Kefka stood in front of Kuja, blocking the taller man's view. "Mine!"
"Since when?!"
"I saw her first!" Kefka snapped.
"Actually, I think Sephiroth saw me first," Kuja piped up from behind him.
"Stay out of this!" Kefka hissed over his shoulder. Kuja glared at the back of his head.
"See, she likes me better!" Sephiroth said with drunken haughtiness.
"You two are acting like a couple of middle schoolers!" she shrieked in annoyance, pushing Kefka aside.
"Funny, most girls would like having two guys fighting over her," Kefka said, rubbing his arm.
"I'm not like most girls," Kuja grumbled.
"Ain't that the truth."
"She's better than most girls!" Sephiroth hiccupped. Kuja gave him a crooked smile.
"Kiss up," Kefka hissed.
"Flattery will get you farther than fighting," Kuja said evenly. Kefka considered this, but was called away by a customer.
"Can we leave now?" Sephiroth whined, wobbling against his sword again.
Kuja turned to look at her reflection in the mirror again. "I thought we were gonna wait for him to get off work."
"But that could be a while." They watched as Kefka argued with a customer.
"You could be ri--" Kuja stopped, blinking in surprise as the hulking form of a demon stomped out from the back room of the store. The demon roared loudly, and then swallowed the person Kefka had been arguing with whole.
"You're free to go for now, Kefka," the demon said in a deep growling voice.
"Thank you, sir!" Kefka giggled, darting away from the demon quickly. He ran over to them, grabbing Kuja by the wrist and dragging her out of the store. "C'mon, Kuja-doll! Let's get out of here before my supervisor decides he needs another snack!"
"Snack?!" Kuja flailed a bit as she was dragged out. Kefka didn't stop until they were several stores away from his workplace. Sephiroth ran after them, as best as he could.
"Uwee, my supervisor likes to eat customers in order to keep the number of customer complaints down."
Kuja regained her breath. "Wouldn't that just cause more complaints?"
"He eats them if they try to complain," Kefka giggled.
"Eew."
"Something like that."
They sat on one of the mall benches while regaining their senses. Kuja was sandwhiched between Kefka and Sephiroth. Sephiroth leaned against Kuja, resting his head on her shoulder. Kefka whacked him on the back of the head.
"Alright, now who's touching my butt?!"
Eventually, after various smacking and shrieking and...groping... the trio headed back to their designated hall. Along the way, however, things got out of hand...again.
Sephiroth's sword shrieked as it struck against the metal railing that lined part of the path along Wretched Souls Blvd. "You suck!" Kefka cackled, dodging each of Sephiroth's attacks.
"Can't you guys wait until we get back to beat the snot out of each other?" Kuja called as Kefka shot a Flare at Sephiroth.
"No!"
She sighed and shrugged. "Idiots."
The area they were fighting in probably wasn't the best place for a duel. Wretched Souls Blvd. was placed alongside one of hell's large firey lava pits. Not that any permanent damage would be done by falling in, but there were signs placed all over that read 'No Swimming'. Kuja watched them attack each other again, looking faintly amused.
Sephiroth managed to trip Kefka with his sword. The shorter man landed flat on his face.
"Kheh heh heh!" Kuja covered her mouth, trying not to laugh outright.
"I thought you said you didn't like guys fighting over you!!" Kefka shouted, spitting gravel as he got back to his feet.
"I can change my mind!" Kuja shouted back indignantly.
"Yeah!" Sephiroth chimed in. Kefka growled.
"Women!" he hissed, throwing another Flare at Sephiroth. He managed to dodge the attack this time, and swung at Kefka with his sword. He missed, but did manage to clip off the end of Kefka's blue feather.
Kefka gasped, whirling away. "You bastard! That was my favorite feather!"
"Well now it's less of your favorite feather!"
Kefka growled again and tackled Sephiroth. He cought the bishounen off guard, and Sephiroth lost his grip on his sword. It went flying, and the handle struck Kuja in the forehead with enough force to send her flying backwards.
Into the lava pit.
"Whaaa!!" Kuja let out a surprised cry as she took the long plunge down. There was a faint splash as she landed in the lava pit.
"Uh-oh," Kefka and Sephiroth sweatdropped. "That's not good."
"This is your fault!!" Kefka snapped, turning and pointing an accusatory finger at Sephiroth.
"My fault?!" Sephiroth balked, picking up his sword. "I didn't knock her in!"
"Yes you did!"
"No I didn't!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did--"
"Will you two shut the heck up!?" A deep, angry, familiar voice screamed behind them.
Both men blinked and turned back in the direction of the lava pit.
"K-Kuja?" Kefka squeaked in surprise.
"Eh?" Sephiroth blinked again, brushing away a red feather as it landed on his nose.
Kuja floated in front of them, looking red, feathery, and generally pissed off.
"You two are so stupid!!" Trance Kuja shrieked, her long red tail lashing angrily behind her. "You knocked me into that damn lava pit!!"
They were staring at her, mouths hanging open. Kefka was drooling. Sephiroth looked like he was about to.
"You've got tits now, Kuja," Sephiroth observed. Kefka nodded in agreement.
"Gah!" Kuja crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know why I put up with you two!!"
"Because you like us?" Kefka suggested, still staring.
"How could I like a pair of idiots like you two?!"
"No other options?"
Kuja growled. "I have options!"
"Like?"
"Ultima!!!"
Kefka and Sephiroth were flattened by the powerful blast of blue and violet energy that Kuja shot at them.
"Wow," Sephiroth coughed, sitting up and brushing his coat off.
"We can add that to the list," Kefka said to Sephiroth, who nodded eagerly in agreement. Kefka pulled out his notepad and wrote something down quickly.
"What list?" Kuja snapped, hovering a bit closer.
"Our list of reasons why we like you," Sephiroth said with a sheepish grin.
"We had to start keeping track," Kefka said softly, tucking the notepad away under his cloak.
She blinked her red eyes a few times. "...why you like me?"
They nodded, still weary of being zapped again.
Kuja looked a bit perplexed. "What....what did you add to the list?"
"You cast a nice Ultima," Sephiroth said.
"And that you look really good in red," Kefka grinned. Kuja blushed, looking down at her red-feathered form.
"I...I... you guys..."
"You don't have to apologize, Kuja," Sephiroth grinned.
"Yeah, it's not your fault that we're stupid males."
"I used to be a stupid male too," Kuja said uncertainly.
"We don't hold that against you," Kefka giggled.
"Yeah, we like you better as a chick!"
"Uwee hee, even if you do get some whacked-ass kind of PMS!" Kefka gave another insane giggle.
Kuja landed in front of them. "Well, I... I forgive you two for being stupid males."
"Uwee hee!"
"You're not gonna be able to get rid of us now," Sephiroth grinned.
"I'll find a way," she said dryly.
The men hesitated for a moment, then both leaned down and gave Kuja a quick peck on the cheek. She blushed heavily, frozen in place for a moment.... before decking them both in turn.
"No one said you could do that!!"
"She punched me first!" Sephiroth giggled.
"No fair!"
Kuja sighed, her cheeks still as red as the rest of her. "You two are impossible."
"We know," Kefka grinned from where he was still slumped at her feet. "Hey, you've got nice toes too!"
"Another reason!"
Kuja sighed again as they high-fived each other. Closing her eyes, she took a step backward. There was a blue flash of light, and when the light faded Kuja was laying on the ground.
Kefka and Sephiroth got to their feet, leaning over her. The trance had faded, leaving her back in her usual garb.
"I think she fainted," Kefka giggled.
"I'll carry her back!" Sephiroth hooted.
"No you won't, you'll just stab her with your sword!" Kefka hopped a few times. "I'll carry her!"
"You'll just stab her with your sword!" Sephiroth growled. Kefka blinked a few times before catching Sephiroth's drift.
"Better me than you!"
"Hey!"
"There will be no stabbing me with swords of any sort!" Kuja hissed from the ground, opening her eyes.
"Aw, she didn't faint," Kefka pouted.
"I was just catching my breath," Kuja snapped. "Now help me up!"
"Yes ma'am!!" They both took an arm and pulled Kuja to her feet.
"Can I carry you anyways?" Sephiroth asked, looking hopeful.
"I can walk just fine," Kuja glowered at him.
"Can't blame me for trying."
"I can!" Kefka said, trying to edge himself between Kuja and Sephiroth as the trio continued their return to the Villain's hall.
Kuja stopped in midstep. "Will you two behave?"
They stared at her with cute drooley expressions. "Anything for you, Miss Kuja."
She sighed, again.
Their stares fixed on her chest. Kuja flushed, glancing down.
"I think that trance thing had some positive effects," Kefka grinned, wiping a bit of drool off his chin. Kuja growled.
"Will you two stop looking at my chest?!"
"Do we have to?" Sephiroth whined. "There was never anything to look at before..."
Kuja's arm jerked, but she restrained herself.
"It's like you just hit puberty!" Kefka grinned, giggling wickedly. Kuja didn't restrain herself at that comment, and left an imprint of her boot in Kefka's crotch. He doubled over, squealing in pain. "Uweeee!"
"Harsh," Sephiroth said, and tried to look cute and innocent. Kuja growled at him, but didn't bother hitting him.
"You can carry him back," she smirked after a moment. She continued walking.
"How about I carry you, and we leave him here?" Sephiroth trailed behind her. "He's like a puppy, he'll find his way back!"
"I'm not a puppy!" Kefka said, voice strained as he staggered after them.
Kuja mused as she continued walking. Sephiroth and Kefka trailed a few steps behind her like... well, like faithful puppies.
"Maybe I should get some new shoes," she said. "I bet it'd hurt more if I kicked you wearing heels."
"Anything you want," Kefka said, pulling his cloak around himself for protection. "But Sephiroth gets the next kick."
"Hey!"

[Yunee]

LOL....funny story keep writin'

[Lost Element]

Hey way funny story!
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.